Five-year-old Max Klinefelter doesn?t understand why some moms stay at home while some dads work. ?It?s supposed to be the other way around,? Max recently told his parents.
Since before he was born, around the time his older brother, Will, turned 2, Max?s father Chris Klinefelter of Cockeysville has been a stay-at-home dad. His mom, Jessica, works full time as a project manager for an engineering firm.
Klinefelter?s first few months as a stay-at-home dad were harder than he expected. With a newborn and a preschooler, Klinefelter of Cockeysville often felt overwhelmed and a bit lonely. The days were long and lacking adult conversation. Unlike stay-at-home moms, Klinefelter didn?t have any peers of the same sex to talk to during the day.
So, Klinefelter went on a hunt for Baltimore area dads. He found Daddy?s Home, the national at-home dad network, a nonprofit for stay-at-home dads. Through the website www.athomedad.org, Klinefelter found other stay-at-home dads and started an official group he called Baltimore Dads. The group of about 10 e-mailed about playgroups and dads? nights out, and also about issues they were facing in everyday life as stay-at-home dads.
There is safety in numbers and finding support is arguably the toughest part about being a stay-at-home dad. While women have a plethora of mommy groups to join, choices for dads are limited. Not only are dads sometimes not allowed to join the mothers? groups, but they are often snubbed by moms at playgrounds, swimming pools, libraries, or any other public place a dad isn?t normally seen during the day.
In 2006, Klinefelter created www.baltimoredads.org which led to the group?s Facebook page where most of the conversation and play date setting happens.
?One of my kids wrote all over the floor with permanent marker. I posted about how I get permanent marker off the floor,? Klinefelter says. ?You get a million responses for something like that. Half of them serious.?
Dads also post about everything from potty training and tantrums to recommendations on good preschools or fun playgrounds. Along with the Baltimore Dads Facebook page, Klinefelter and other area stay-at-home dads frequent social media sites including www.dcmetrodads.com.
Social media is essential for stay-at-home dads, says Al Watts, president of Daddy?s Home. About 2,000 dads belong to the National At-Home Dad Network, and they often use our website to talk about parenting issues and find other dads in their areas. The website helps dads start their own stay-at-home dad groups. Though Facebook and Twitter are popular among stay-at-home dads, so are blogs geared to fathers.
?Social media is helpful. Guys get on there with questions or problems, and other guys answer them,? Watts says.
The Klinefelters are among a small, but growing minority of families with mothers as breadwinners and fathers as primary caregivers. The 2010 U.S. Census reported 154,000 full-time stay-at-home dads, though that number is probably much higher because this didn?t take into account fathers working part-time or working from home.
Though still outnumbered by women, fathers are making a mark. They have started parenting blogs and Daddy playgroups, and they don?t feel shy about taking their kids to library story times or ?Mommy and Me? gymnastics classes. Responding to the growing number of stay-at-home dads, Daddy?s Home hosts an annual convention for stay-at-home dads in Washington, D.C.
Andrew Huppert of Crownsville is also a stay-at-home dad that says staying at home with his two sons, Thomas, 6, and Benjamin, 2, was initially disorienting. His wife, Nicolle Bougas is an obstetrician/gynecologist, so financially it made more sense for Huppert, an accountant to stay-at-home.
Huppert was forced to transition from a full-time professional employee to a full-time event planner. Keeping busy and finding other dads helped Huppert from sliding into depression, though he did experience difficult days emotionally.
?It?s a lonely experience,? Watts agrees. ?It?s a little uncomfortable at first.?
A social support network can help a dad feel happy and successful, Watts says.
Stay-at-home dad groups:
Baltimore Dads: www.baltimoredads.org
DC Metro Dads (dads in Maryland, D.C. and Virginia): www.dcmetrodads.com
Websites:
www.daddyshome.org
www.athomedad.org
www.fatherville.com
www.greatdad.com
Books:
?Better Off Dad? by Will Culp
?The Stay-at-home Dad handbook? by Peter Baylies
?The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms,
and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family? by Jeremy Adam Smith
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